Why Do People Go To Therapy?

Thoughts on When (and Why) You Should Pay Someone for Help Rather Than Going to a Friend

Why Do People Go to Therapy? 

People have all kinds of assumptions about what being in therapy is like, and who it is for. Is it for people in crisis, or is it a weekly self-care exercise? Is it a luxury, or a necessity? How do you know whether the things you want help with “count” enough to talk to a therapist?

My First Experience With Therapy

I remember when it first dawned on me that I could go to therapy for myself.   I was a young college student at the time, just beginning to study psychology. To me, going to therapy seemed almost like a sacred privilege reserved for people who had something truly life-altering happening to them, and that you couldn’t go without a very compelling reason—perhaps a death in the family, or an existential crisis of some kind.  I was toying with the idea of becoming a therapist someday, but figured I would need to try out this mysterious experience for myself at some point before I knew if it was worth doing.  The only problem was, I was pretty convinced I didn’t have a good enough reason to go.

And so, like a true psychology nerd, I was genuinely thrilled the day I learned in class that my inconvenient, hereditary (and very socially alarming) tendency to faint at the sight or suggestion of blood was actually a specific type of phobia that is very treatable with therapy.  Right after class, I called my school’s counseling center and set up an appointment with someone ready to help.  After just a few sessions, I not only had control over my overwhelming impulse to faint at the sight of a needle, I was actually able to give blood for the first time ever, without passing out. What do you know - this stuff really works! I thought.

And I’m happy to say that I have never fainted since.  I can make it through medical TV shows without getting queasy, and be there for my kids when they have to get a shot at the doctor’s office…without worrying that someone will have to pick me up off of the floor in the process.  What I gained in that first experience of therapy was a small victory that has had major, life-changing ramifications.  It replaced what used to be a huge source of anxiety about an unavoidable part of life with a new level of freedom and confidence enabling me to do things I couldn’t do before (like, well, get medical care).

That early experience also got me oriented to the experience of therapy, so that it was less daunting to go back to therapy in the future when bigger things did come up in my life. And it taught me that even a seemingly small issue can be reason enough to reach out for help.

Therapy is for Everyone

You do NOT need to be in crisis to go to therapy. Therapy is not an experience reserved for the few and the desperate.  Mental health diagnosis or not, ALL of us need support at times, and therapy can be a fantastic way to get it—before getting to the place where we’re a mess and things are falling apart. In fact, starting “too soon” is far better than starting too late.

Whether it’s coping with stress, dealing with the ongoing collective trauma of the pandemic or political events, getting help for a relationship issue, or trying to overcome generational patterns of dysfunction, I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t have something to gain from being in regular therapy.  But I suspect many people don’t believe they have a good enough reason to pursue it.  They think their pain certainly isn’t as bad as someone else’s, or they’ve been taught to focus on the positive and not dwell on the painful. But deep down, they long for an experience of feeling truly seen and heard, of being able to talk about the hard stuff in a place where they can be understood and find some relief.

Don’t Wait for a Crisis

Keeping yourself functional is not selfish.

You do not need to be in crisis to reach out for support. It’s enough just to want to be healthy and whole.

When is Therapy Helpful?

While I truly believe that almost anyone would benefit from therapy at some point, people typically start therapy for one (or more) of the following reasons:

1. Distressing Symptoms

2. Impairment in Daily Functioning

3. Crisis

4. Prevention and Personal Growth

Although therapy can look a little different depending on what your needs and goals are, ALL of these reasons for seeking therapy are valid.

Distressing Symptoms

All of us will deal with stress, sadness, and anxiety in our day-to-day lives.  But when the distress is persistent enough that irritating or worrisome symptoms begin to develop or worsen,  people often begin to seek help.  These symptoms might be physical problems like trouble sleeping, stress headaches, or muscle tension; relational problems like communication difficulties, emotional disconnection, or sexual dissatisfaction; or emotional problems like increased depression or anxiety.

Impairment in Daily Functioning

A second common time for people to seek therapy is when a problem begins to disrupt the rhythms of their daily life. For example, a person’s anxiety might be making it difficult for them to get to work on time, or the stress of a strained marriage is leading to physical health problems that can no longer be ignored.  For some, the impairment in functioning could be related to emotions that are too intense (e.g., depression so bad that you can’t get out of bed some days); for others, it’s that emotions are conspicuously absent (e.g., the absence of feeling after a trauma that makes it difficult to feel like yourself, connect with your own needs, or connect genuinely with others).

Crisis

Some people wait until things have reached a crisis level to reach out for therapy – perhaps they’re on the brink of a breakup or a divorce, they’re at risk of losing their job, or they’ve begun having crippling panic attacks.  Waiting till a crisis strikes can make the problem more difficult to solve, and by then the issue may require a higher level of care (e.g., inpatient therapy for substance abuse recovery; a referral to a divorce mediator instead of a marriage counselor, etc.).  On the other hand, sometimes a good crisis is what people need to finally come to terms with the fact that something needs to change, and to give themselves permission to get help. 

Prevention and Personal Growth

There are plenty of good reasons to pre-emptively seek therapy for personal growth, such as learning to deal with emotions in a healthy way, learning why you operate and react to things the way you do, preparing for or adjusting to a major life transition, working to undo generational patterns of family dysfunction when you’re entering a long-term relationship or become a parent, learning to set better boundaries to prevent job burnout, avoiding the repeat of a toxic relationship pattern, or gaining greater self-insight in order to be a more effective leader.  For those who have a direct influence on the shaping of others’ lives, including (but certainly not limited to) bosses, parents, pastors, and therapists, engaging in one’s own ongoing therapy can be a critical part of caring well for the people you serve, without wounding them in the ignorance of your own personal blind spots.

How Does a Friend Differ From a Therapist?

Friends, family, significant others, and those in our social circle can do a great job of supporting us through immediate and short-term problems.  But, the reality is we often need more focused and consistent support than they can provide amidst their own struggles and busy lives.  I’ve heard many clients say things like, “My friends are sick of hearing about this, and this is the only place where I can talk through it with someone,” or “People were supportive early in my grieving process, but it seems like they’ve all moved on now.  I need a place to process my ongoing grief without someone getting uncomfortable and changing the subject.”  

Friends may also offer unhelpful remedies like unwanted advice-giving, talking about their own worst experiences instead of making space for yours, or projecting their own values and opinions onto you instead of considering what is truly best for your situation.  All of those responses are very natural human impulses, but when you’re in deep pain, careless words or advice can really sting, and leave you feeling like you can’t safely share your real self with others.  So you stuff it back inside and keep marching.

In friendship, there is also the unspoken (and necessary) social expectation that both parties should be allowed to share more-or-less equally about their lives.  If your friend asks you about your day, generally you’re expected to return the favor by asking about theirs.  While this reciprocity is important, there are situations in which we genuinely need to take up more space and time than we are able to give back, or are struggling with something that requires a more in-depth focus in conversation.  There is certainly allowance for this in a healthy friendship, but if our friends or family are routinely tasked with the job of helping us process a particularly heavy and distressing situation, over time it can burden and exhaust the relationship by altering those important dynamics of mutuality and reciprocity. This leaves our loved ones feeling like they don’t receive enough of the support they need from us, and can create distance in the relationship. 

Why Friends sometimes aren’t enough

“If our friends or family are routinely tasked with the job of helping us process a particularly heavy and distressing situation, over time it can burden and exhaust the relationship by altering those important dynamics of mutuality and reciprocity.”

Therapy is a dedicated space where you can struggle for as long as you need to, and get to the root of why you experience things the way you do, rather than just being told to stop feeling or acting that way.  You don’t have to politely share airtime with anybody else.  You can be a mess and not put a happy face on it for someone else’s benefit.  The time exists for you. 

A therapist is trained to sit with heavy things and let you take your time, unlike a family member who gives quick advice to soothe their own discomfort.  A therapist is distant enough from your situation to be more objective, without making assumptions based on any prior knowledge of your circumstances. This allows you to explain your story from the beginning, and is  a great way to get more clarity on the situation for yourself, and verbally process parts of your experience you may not otherwise get to with people who already know part of the story.  A therapist’s job is to be attentively connected to what you’re going through, keep the conversation centered around your needs rather than theirs, help you understand the patterns that gave rise to your current situation, identify the obstacles getting in your way, and help you find healthier ways of coping –and even thriving—in the future.   And good therapy will also help keep you more richly connected to the other people in your life, strengthening your most worthwhile relationships by fostering a healthier version of you – one who can show up fully, willingly, and genuinely with the people in your day-to-day life.

How Do I Find a Therapist? 

The process of finding a therapist can feel a bit daunting, but it doesn’t have to be.  I’ve put together a list of super helpful tips and resources for finding a therapist anywhere in the U.S. who fits your budget range, location, and other must-have search criteria.  Click here to check out my recent blog post on “How To Find a Good Therapist” to get started.

If you’ve been wondering whether therapy is right for you, I encourage you to start your search today, with the confidence that you matter enough - and so do the people in your life - for you to be the healthiest, most flourishing version of yourself possible.

Important disclaimer: Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist by profession, I am not YOUR therapist. The content on this site is for informational or educational purposes only. Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not constitute medical or other professional advice. Your use of this website does not establish any kind of patient-client relationship with me, and you should consult a healthcare provider in your area if you are seeking medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided herein is solely at your own risk.

How to Find a Good Therapist

A common question people ask me is, “How do I find a good therapist?”  And it’s such an important question.  When it comes to getting good mental health care, you need someone who connects with both your personality and your price range, who possesses the necessary expertise and approach to address the particular issues that concern you, and who demonstrates the sensitivity and tact to enter compassionately into some of the most important issues of your life with you.  It’s hard to overstate how important it is to find a good fit, when it’s about your well-being and your life’s story.

How TO fIND a GOOD THERAPIST

Where to search, what to look for, and what questions to ask

How To Find a Good Therapist 

There are many different factors to consider when choosing a therapist, some of which boil down to personal preference.  You probably want someone who feels easy to connect with.  Maybe you specifically want a female therapist, an older therapist, a Christian therapist, an ADHD-friendly therapist, someone with a soothing voice or a down-to-earth personality, a therapist with purple hair, or a therapist experienced in working with first responders.  The options and counseling specialties out there are almost endless, with therapists as unique as the people searching for help.  How do you filter through what’s really important and find the right person?

Today I’d love to share some thoughts to help you narrow down your search.  I’ll describe some different types of therapists and what distinguishes them.  I’ll share what I believe to be some of the most important things to look for in a therapist, what are red flags in a therapist, what to ask a therapist during the first phone call, and offer you some resources and directories you can use to help you find your best match. 

Which Type of Therapist Should I Choose? 

 First, let’s get our terminology straight.  What are some of the different types of therapists out there, and how are they different?

• A licensed clinical psychologist is a doctorate-level clinician with a PhD or PsyD degree.  They may focus exclusively on providing counseling and therapy, or depending on their training, they may also be able provide psychological testing and assessment services, to help identify or rule out various disorders.  Psychologists do not prescribe medication.

• A psychiatrist is a medical doctor, trained in mental health who can prescribe psychiatric medication as well as provide psychotherapy.  You might choose to see a psychiatrist only, a therapist only, or a therapist regularly with occasional check-in appointments with a psychiatrist to monitor and adjust medications.

• A licensed professional counselor (LPC), sometimes referred to as a “mental health counselor,” and also called an LPCC in certain states (i.e., “licensed professional clinical counselor”) has a Master’s degree in counseling and can diagnose and treat clients with a wide variety of mental health concerns.  LPCs/LPCCs have undergone thousands of hours of supervised training and passed a comprehensive licensing exam within the state where they practice, and are one of the most common types of counselors in the United States.

• A licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) has at least a Master’s degree in counseling or marriage and family therapy, and is trained in diagnosing and treating a wide variety of mental health concerns, with special training in the ways mental health intersects with relationships and family influences.  LMFTs have also undergone thousands of hours of supervised training and passed a comprehensive licensing exam within the state where they practice.  Interestingly, the vast majority of the country’s LMFTs are licensed in California, where the LPCC designation is much less common, even though much of their work can look very similar.

• A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) has a Master’s degree in social work, and has completed thousands of hours of supervised experience and passed their state’s comprehensive licensing exam.  LCSWs, like the other types of clinicians above, are qualified to diagnose mental health concerns and to provide therapy.  Social workers’ training usually also prepares them to advocate for and connect clients with tangible community resources, and to view people’s concerns through a holistic lens that considers the impact of social and societal forces on clients’ lives.
  

What’s The Difference Between a Counselor and a Therapist?

If you are looking to begin therapy, whether you search for a “counselor” or a “therapist” may depend on your region of the country, and the titles that are predominantly used by helping professionals in your area .  

• The term “counselor” may be used more often in regions with a higher number of LPCs or LPCCs, or refer to job titles like “Mental Health Counselor,” “Addictions Counselor,” or perhaps a Christian lay counselor working at a church counseling center.   A counselor may or may not be licensed as a mental health professional, but might be someone trained to provide a specific type of counseling, such as crisis counseling, divorce mediation, or adoption counseling for families. The word “counseling” can sometimes imply the use of a more directive, advice-giving kind of approach, but not always. It never hurts to ask what kind of training and approach a counselor has if you have questions. 

•  The term “therapist” may be more commonly used in areas of the country with a higher percentage of marriage and family therapists. When differentiated from “counseling,” the word “therapy” can sometimes imply a more in-depth type of approach to mental health, involving working through the person’s past as a way of addressing present concerns.  In my experience, it is common for people to use the word “therapist” to refer to anyone who provides therapy, whether that is an LMFT, an LPCC, or a psychologist.  Although clinicians are required to use their appropriate legal titles when advertising their services, they might refer to providing “therapy” or “counseling” somewhat interchangeably depending on the context.

• Pre-licensed therapists, such as those with the word “associate,” “assistant,” or “trainee” in their title (e.g., associate marriage and family therapists, psychological assistants, marriage and family therapist trainees), are people who are in the process of earning their professional license, which means they are either currently enrolled in a counseling or psychology graduate program, or they have already received their graduate degree and are completing the required thousands of hours of supervised clinical experience necessary to sit for their licensing exam before becoming independently licensed. 

The most important ingredient to successful therapy is a good relationship between you and the therapist, so it’s important to find someone you click with, who makes you feel understood.

What Type of Therapy Should I Get?

There are SO many counseling approaches and theories out there, and the good news is, with the right therapist, you can benefit to some degree from many styles of therapy. 

It’s important to be clear that some diagnoses and issues are particularly well-suited to specific therapy approaches, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, EMDR for post-traumatic stress disorder, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for borderline personality disorder (although these approaches can be used to effectively treat other symptoms and conditions, as well). For couples issues, Restoration Therapy (RT), emotionally-focused therapy (EFT), and Gottman method therapy are all really helpful and well-tested therapy approaches.  Here are some other common types of therapy and what they’re often used for:

• If you’re looking to reflect on and make meaning of certain experiences, narrative therapy can help you make sense of the story of your life and how different elements of your journey fit together.

• If you want to focus on a particular, specific issue, solution-focused brief therapy could help you reach concrete goals quickly.

• If you need help with decision-making and are finding it hard to commit to the changes you need in your life, a counselor or coach trained in motivational interviewing could help you overcome your ambivalence.

• If you want to understand and change longstanding patterns in your life and grow in self-insight, psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy could help you get to the root of some of the underlying “organizing principles” or operating rules that you’ve learned to live by without realizing it.   

At the same time, research has shown time and again that the most significant predictor of successful therapy is the rapport between client and therapist, so don’t feel like you need to “nail it” on the first try in identifying the perfect-fit approach.  My best advice is to identify a person you are drawn to working with, and then ask them to describe their approach and how it can help with your concerns.  If it doesn’t seem like a good fit for your personality, comfort level, budget, or schedule, ask them for referrals to other counselors or therapists they know whose approach might be more conducive to your situation.

What QUALITIES Should I Look for in a Therapist?

No matter what type of help you’re looking for, there are some qualities in a therapist that I would consider non-negotiable:

• Warmth.  A therapist should convey a sense of empathy, caring, and approachability right from the very first phone call or email communication.  Again, the quality of the relationship between a therapist and client is THE number one indicator of how successful therapy will be, so it is pivotal that you actually like the person and sense that they exude genuine warmth toward you.

• Responsiveness.  A therapist who wants to work with you is a good therapist to have.   One indicator of their ability and desire to be present to you is the quality of their communication.  You need someone who is professional and prompt in their communication, otherwise it could be that they are overloaded or burned out and can’t provide you with the best quality of care right now. Generally, they should be able to reply reasonably promptly to your inquiry (within 24-48 hours), offer a clear path to scheduling, and make it easy for you to understand the process. 

• Competence.  Prior to the start of therapy and continuing throughout the process, your therapist should be able to exude a sense of competence, and articulate how their training and experience enables them to help you with your particular concerns.  If you don’t feel confident and inspired about their ability to help, you will not be as invested in the process, and it may be that the therapist is not as well versed as they need to be in treating your particular area of concern.  Therapists have a broad knowledge of an incredibly diverse range of topics, and yet none of us can be experts at everything.   Look for someone whose specialities and expertise seem to align with the issues that concern you most, and ask them questions about their experience if you need to.
  

• Relatability.  You don’t need a therapist who has experienced all the same things in life as you, but it can help sometimes to know that a person has some level of shared life experience that provides insight into your world.  For instance, depending on what you want to talk about in therapy, it might be really important to find someone who knows a lot about life in the military, or who is conversant in talking about faith issues, or who acknowledges the impacts of systemic racism, or who knows from experience what it’s like to be married, or divorced, or in recovery from addiction, or a parent.  Different therapists will vary in how much they’ll disclose to you upfront about their own experience, but even asking them about what types of clients they work with most frequently (or if they’ve ever worked with a client like you before) can give you a window into their level of fluency with a particular topic.  In any case, you should feel confident in their ability to have a good ongoing dialogue with you that is sensitive to your context and background, and be able to trust them to maintain a curious, nonjudgmental stance about your experience.

What makes a good therapist?

Warmth,

responsiveness,

competence,

relatability,

humility,

and affordability.

• Humility. While therapists should be able to convey their competence and skill in being able to provide effective treatment, good therapists also acknowledge that they don’t know it all.  They allow clients to be the experts on their own lives and don’t presume to know what is best for the client in every situation.  They take seriously their need for ongoing learning and growth, and participate in their own continuing education, training, professional consultation with other clinicians, and especially their own regular, personal therapy.

• Affordability.  Regular therapy can be a big investment, let’s be honest.  Some therapists have much higher fees than others, and I will say from personal experience that it is worth every penny to pay for someone who you trust has the necessary expertise to help you move forward.  But at the same time, it shouldn’t break you financially.  Trying to stretch outside of your own budget to make therapy work is going to put a strain on your experience, and make you inclined to end prematurely.   In order to get the best results from therapy, generally you need to be able to attend sessions weekly, especially in the beginning (although it’s possible to find therapists who operate with a different frequency, or can flex to fit unusual schedules).  Thankfully, there are tons of resources out there for accessing good therapy at all different price points, and I’ll share some of those below.

What Are Red Flags in a Therapist?

Now that we’ve discussed what to look for in a therapist, let’s talk about the things you should avoid.  Here are some red flags to watch out for in a therapist:

• Their license is not in good standing.  Before reaching out to a therapist, Google “therapist license lookup” for your state and you should be able to verify the license status of that person, searching by name, profession, and/or license number.  If a person’s license is not in good standing, whether it’s because they didn’t pay their renewal fees, complete their required continuing education courses, or they have an ethics complaint filed against them, steer clear.  Working someone who takes seriously their legal and ethical obligations as a therapist is of utmost importance, for the quality of your care as well as your own protection.
  

•  They list too many specialties.  No one can be good at everything.  And while therapists are trained to help with a broad array of issues, claiming equal expertise about 30 different topic areas is unrealistic.  Good therapists should be able to articulate the handful of issues they are most passionate about working with and the most knowledgeable about, as well as acknowledge the issues and clients they aren’t best equipped to serve.  Knowing their limits and being confident in their skills is one of the marks of a good therapist –someone who is realistic about what they can help others with – and committed to doing a few things really well, instead of many things poorly.
  

• They talk too much about themselves. Whether during the initial phone consult or during sessions, if you find that a therapist repeatedly brings up their own experiences in a way that is distracting, jarring, or irrelevant, it could be time to switch therapists.  While even the best therapy has a few relational “misses” now and then, if a therapist continues to center their own experience without regard to what is actually helpful to the client, they are not paying adequate attention to their own unprocessed baggage, and are not in a place to be able to facilitate optimal growth for the client.  A therapist should be trustworthy and disciplined enough to keep things focused on the needs of the client, not perpetually caught up in their own story, and re-living or projecting their own experiences onto you.
  

•  They don’t provide adequate emotional containment or structure.  While some forms of therapy are a bit more open-ended and do provide less direct guidance from the therapist, I don’t think you should ever be left to feel like you are floating without any direction, or that you’re being ushered into big feelings only for the session to end abruptly, leaving you completely unraveled and exposed. For therapy to be its most effective, your therapist needs to help provide some basic structure around roles and expectations in session, so you feel comfortable about what to do, rather than having to wonder or guess.  This is particularly true when dealing with traumatic things in therapy.  If you get into difficult emotional material during a session, the therapist doesn’t need to magically make all the pain go away in that moment, but they should be able to provide the necessary warmth and responsiveness to create a safe holding space where you know it’s OK to be a mess, and where you can rest securely, knowing the therapist is on your team and you will find a way through the mess together.
  

•  They are defensive, or averse to hearing feedback.  The best therapy happens when clients and therapists can collaborate and speak openly about what’s going well and what’s not.  Well-trained therapists know not to take it personally when someone is upset about how therapy is going, or is offended by something the therapist said – and they don’t waste the opportunity inherent in a good misunderstanding.  By remaining non-defensive and welcoming of feedback, the therapist creates a space where important issues can be talked about and addressed honestly.  Inviting meta-conversations about therapy provides a way to re-adjust whenever things feel off, and helps safeguard the trust and rapport so essential for therapy to succeed.  Not only that, but being able to have meaningful dialogue about therapy itself can provide the client with indispensable insight into the way they show up in the world.  A person’s reactions to their therapist often mirror the way they feel with others in their life, so talking about the therapy relationship can actually provide a helpful microcosm for people to identify and make needed changes in their other relationships, as well.
  

Questions to Ask a Therapist in an Initial Consultation

What Should You Ask a therapist?

The initial phone call is a chance for both you and the therapist to discuss details and decide if it’s good fit.

Many therapists provide an initial consultation phone call or session before you mutually decide whether to work together.   In the initial consult, the therapist will probably ask to hear a bit about why you’re currently seeking therapy, answer any questions you may have, and describe a bit of their approach, so you can both determine whether it’s a good fit.

Here are some questions you can ask during the initial consultation to get a feel for a therapist’s approach, qualifications, and personality.  It doesn’t do you or the therapist any favors if you agree to work with somebody you have major doubts about, so ask your questions freely!

Questions about the therapist’s approach and expertise:

1. I wonder if you could tell me a little bit about your treatment approach. What are some of the guiding principles of your approach, and how can that help people like me?

2. What do you hope that therapy accomplishes for your clients? How do you hope or expect to see peoples’ lives change because of therapy?

3. How will we know when treatment is finished?
   

Questions about the logistics of therapy:

1. Do you offer in-person or virtual sessions, or both?

2. What is your fee and recommended frequency for sessions?

3. Do you take insurance? If not, do you provide a superbill I could submit to my insurance for possible reimbursement?

Questions to Ask Yourself Following the Initial Consultation

Here are some questions to help you reflect on your own gut feelings after the initial conversation with a particular therapist, and decide if they might be a good fit for you:  

• Did I feel heard, understood, and respected in our conversation?

• Does this person seem likable?

• Do I feel a sense of hopefulness that this person can help me?

• Is this someone who seems to enjoy and believe in what they do? 

• Does the way they speak resonate with and make sense to me?  Will it be easy to have good conversations with this person?

• Am I able to commit to the fee and the schedule required to work consistently with this therapist? 
  

Where to look for a therapist

Check out some of the awesome online directories and community resources that are available in your area.

Where to Look for a Therapist

Now that you know what’s important to look for in a therapist, the question is where to look.  Here are some great resources for finding a therapist that fits your budget and your needs:

• Mental Health Match  This is the perfect directory to use if you’re feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to start.  Mental Health Match will let you browse therapists in your area, or walk you through a series of multiple choice questions that show you matches for nearby therapists in your price range who meet your specific search criteria.  You can filter by desired mode of therapy (couples, individual, or family), your specific goals for therapy and presenting concerns, as well as specific activities you’d like included in therapy (e.g., art therapy, movement/yoga, biofeedback, equine assisted therapy, support groups, and more!).  If you prefer a therapist of a particular gender, age, race, religion, or sexual orientation, or someone who takes a particular type of insurance, your matches will be ranked in order of closest fit.
  

• TherapyDen is known for being an inclusive, socially conscious therapist directory for clients of every race, gender, and sexual orientation.  The search results and therapist profiles are concise, easy to navigate, and you can filter your search with many criteria related to the therapist’s background, expertise, and values that you might not find on other directory sites. 
  

• Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is a great site for finding affordable therapy.  Therapists who list their services on Open Path agree to provide sessions within the $30-60 price range ($30-80 for couple or family sessions).  You can filter your search results for in-person or online therapy, therapist specialities, treatment approach, and more. 
  

• There are so many other directories you can search, as well. Some are focused on serving specific populations:

  • Theravive

  • GoodTherapy

  • Online Counselling Directory

  • Multicultural Therapist Directory

  • Therapy For Black Girls Directory

  • Therapy for Black Men

  • Asian Mental Health Collective

  • Asians for Mental Health

  • Christian Counselor Directory

• A graduate school of counseling or psychology near you.  If you’re looking for even more affordable therapy options, look into “graduate counseling program” or “clinical psychology program near me,” and see if it brings up any graduate schools in your state who operate a community counseling center staffed by their own Master’s and doctoral-level therapists-in-training.  For clients in California, Fuller Psychological and Family Services is just one of many community mental health clinics providing affordable therapy for the general public, and staffed by MFT and PsyD/PhD students-in-training.  The benefit of a having pre-licensed therapist, in addition to lower cost, is that they are required to participate in an extensive amount of ongoing supervision and training.  So although less experienced, these individuals often bring a unique level of focus and dedication to your case, as they are eager to grow and learn, and have the benefit of frequent consultation with a seasoned supervisor who can guide and collaborate with them to bring you the best care possible.
  

• A church counseling center or community counseling agency.  Many churches provide their own counseling services, whether with a pastor or with trained counseling staff.  These individuals may or may not be licensed mental health practitioners, but can often help with a variety of concerns or serve as a starting point to refer you to additional resources if needed.  Alternatively, community agencies like Catholic Charities may provide counseling services in your area, with sliding scale fees based on income.   
  

• Your HMO insurance panel.  If you have HMO insurance that covers mental healthcare, consult your plan’s website for a list of in-network providers, and then do your online research on the clinicians listed using some of the tips above.  If you have PPO insurance, you can search for any therapist, who might bill insurance directly for you as an out-of-network provider, or provide you with a “superbill” (official receipt of services) to pursue insurance reimbursement on your own.
  

Tips for Searching for a Therapist

• Leave a voicemail when you call.  I can’t stress this one enough.  Don’t give up if you don’t get an answer on the first ring!  Although some larger therapy offices have a receptionist or professional answering service, the majority of independent therapists manage their own phone lines.  And we often don’t pick up the first time, for a variety of reasons: we might be in another session, our business numbers are publicly available and we get a lot of spam calls, and many of us actually prefer getting a voicemail message as a valuable first step in determining the right fit for you.  For me, when a person leaves a message it shows that they are serious about therapy, and have already done some research to identify me as a possible good fit for them.  And by briefly describing in their message why they’re seeking therapy, by the time we connect, I can be prepared to better answer their questions on the phone, or to have the names of other good referrals ready to go in case we find that we’re not a good fit.
  
  

• Take negative online reviews with a grain of salt.  If you find a therapist you like, who looks fantastic except for one or two negative online reviews, remember that people often leave reviews only if they’ve had a stellar experience or a perceived terrible one, with very little in between.  In the world of mental health, I’ve seen reviews written about colleagues where the content of the negative review reflected far more about the maturity or expectations of the person seeking treatment than the true and demonstrated quality of the therapist they reached out to.  Until recently, therapists were generally not allowed to solicit testimonials or reviews from past clients (and even now there are careful rules that must be followed), so it may be that a particular therapist who has no reviews is incredible — it’s just that no one has chosen to publicly say so yet.  Remember that online reviews are just one small part of the picture.

• Don’t let geography limit you.  Virtual therapy appointments were already popular before the COVID-19 pandemic, but have exploded in popularity since then.  They are convenient to fit into your day, require no commute, and bring the safety and privacy of being in your own space.  As long as you have a good internet connection, you can work with a mental health provider located anywhere in your state of residence.  So if you can’t find any good therapists in your immediate geographic area, search using the name of any big city in your state, and you’ll likely find a large number of options of qualified therapists would who be happy to work with you virtually.

Therapy should be accessible to anyone who wants it.  And there are so many skilled and qualified therapists out there who are ready and eager to help.  I hope this article gives you the tools you need to search with confidence and find someone who can help you thrive!

Important disclaimer: Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist by profession, I am not YOUR therapist.  The content on this site is for informational or educational purposes only.  Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and does not constitute medical or other professional advice. Your use of this website does not establish any kind of patient-client relationship with me, and you should consult a healthcare provider in your area if you are seeking medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.  Reliance on any information provided herein is solely at your own risk.